


Heartbroken

by Claire07



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-02 05:51:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16299338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claire07/pseuds/Claire07
Summary: Serena calls it a day





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't shoot me.

Serena is heartbroken. She ended her relationship with Bernie as she is sick of being second best. She knows it is her fault for asking her to wait, yes Bernie said she would for eternity. She said she would join her in Nairobi but she can’t leave here, her home, her life and what is left of her unconventional family.  
Bernie seemed to have took it well. No arguments, no pleads to keep going as they are, her reply….. “If that is what you want.” Then disconnected the phone call.

Serena took a few days off work, not wanting to have anyone to talk to or to ask questions, she just wanted to be alone. Turning to drink wasn’t an option this time, she learned that lesson after Ellie died. So she used the time to write, write to Bernie about the reasons why she ended it.

Bernie,

I need to explain, to settle things between us so we can move on. 

Move forward. 

These passed few months have been hard, us being apart and when we are together we aren’t really. We are so busy with work, that our lives have drifted apart.

I know I said I would come over to Nairobi but my heart wont allow me. I need and want to be here for Jason, Greta and Guinevere, my family.   
I am not saying that you are not important to me but they are the last blood relatives that I have and I need to be linked to them.

I want you to know that I love you Bernie, I truly do. But the time apart is making to difficult for us both. I still can’t imagine my life without you, still don’t want to but we both have to draw a line under it somewhere.

I am so sorry  
Serena x

Yes it was short and not so sweet, but it needed to be said. Serena sent it via post and hoped that Bernie would open it.

 

It took nearly 2 weeks for Bernie to receive it. A further week for her to find the time to read it.   
She sat on the balcony on her apartment with a glass of whiskey in her hand and looked at the crumpled letter that she had been carrying around. It was the first time in over a week she was home before the sun set, now a time to sit and reflect. That is one thing that Bernie hated doing, looking back to see where it all went wrong.

Bernie took a deep breath a opened the letter, she read it with tears streaming down her face, missing the love of her life and it was all her fault. Her fault for not making time, coming back with her to stay.   
Falling in love with her in the first place.   
She knew that she never would be good enough for Serena, that Serena had lost Ellie because of her and could they actually ever get over something like that? Bernie never thought so, it was just always there keeping them apart. Like Bernie blamed herself, felt like Serena blamed her a little too, but she knew that Serena blames herself most of all.

It was too much to bare. Loosing the love of her life all over again. 

She has a choice to make, go back to Serena and try and make a proper go of it in Holby or stay here and never think of her again.

Bernie drank herself to sleep.


	2. Bernie makes her decision.

Bernie woke up the next morning suitably hungover. The letter still crumpled in her hand, dried tears down her cheeks. She looked at herself in the mirror and once again broke down crying. She needed to fix this.

2 days later.

Serena is on the ward, Ric and Xavier are talking at the nurses station when all of a sudden the whole ward went quiet, Serena turned to look at Ric who in turn was looking at Bernie, suitcase in hand and a bottle of something poorly wrapped in gold, just like when she returned from Kiev.  
Xavier turned to walk towards Serena who had froze on the spot, took the iPad off her and apologised to the patient she was treating, telling him that he and Mr Griffin would be taking over his case. 

Bernie strode across the ward, took her by the hand and led her across the ward to their once was office. Serena’s face was still, her breaths were uneven and her hands were shaking. Bernie closed each blind all bar one, the one where everyone could see them, the one where they were standing in front of on purpose.  
“I am home. Home to stay, if you give me a reason to.” Serena looked Bernie finally in the eyes, “will this do?” As she plunged forwards into Bernie’s awaiting arms, Bernie fumbling for the last chord of the blinds to shut when everyone knew she was back with her soul mate.

They broke apart minutes later, Serena tracing her fingers all over Bernie making sure she wasn’t a mirage, a phantom, her imagination still running wild from her dream last night.

“I can’t live without you in my life Serena, I need you, so I am here. I love you Serena Wendy Campbell.” All in slow motion as the words settled in, Serena gasped, smiled and then kissed her once again but this time slowly, tasting her chocolate and honeycomb and all. 

“I love you too, you not going back to Nairobi?” Serena all but was begging with her eyes, Bernie shook her head, “No I have applied to come back here, with you, apparently Ric is needed on Kellar and you are a Consultant down.” Serena beamed her shy smile at the statement, Bernie had planned this in advance, wanting to be with her, to be home.

There was a knock at the door, Ms Tate opened it apprehensively apologising for the intrusion. She shook hands with Ms Wolfe and welcomed her back. “Just one signature left and then you can both leave for a week.” Bernie smiled at Serena who clocked on just what was happening, Bernie was signing her contract and starting in a week.  
“Grab your coat then Ms Campbell and I shall see you both in a week.” Ms Tate told them, shaking hands just before she left the office, signed contract in hand.Serena ran over to the coat stand, grabbed her coat and walked out of the office hand in hand with Bernie. 

They went home.


	3. Chapter 3

Bernie sat with her hand on Serena’s thigh all the way, only moving it when she needed to. The almost silent journey was nearly over when Serena stopped outside of Jason and Greta’s house, knowing that if he knows that Bernie is here he will want to come over and she really didn’t want that for what she had planned.   
So to do this first, Bernie smiled already knew what was going through Serena’s head so they made their way to the front door hand in hand.

Although she usually uses her key to let herself in she knock and waits, Bernie is just out of sight wanting to surprise her nephew too.   
“Aunty Serena why…….Bernie……..come in.” He stands to the side opening the door wider and lets them in. Greta is about to feed Guinevere her last bottle before bed but silently smiles as she hands tGuinevere and bottle over to Bernie who smiles and sits to cuddle her great niece. 

Jason bombards her with all sorts of questions, he heard on the grapevine that she was back, but for how long for? His smile grew when she says she is back for good and will be working with Serena again on AAU.   
Greta makes them a drink, getting biscuits on a plate to go with, offering Bernie the first choice. They all agree to meet up and have dinner together soon, before they start back in a weeks time, but Serena telling him firmly they are not to be disturbed for the next few days.   
He nods and shows them out.

Back in the car the next home they go to is Charlotte’s, they are both surprised when Cam opens the door, he flings his arms around his mum as she stands in the doorway, Charlotte comes to the door wondering what is taking him so long and embraces her mum in a three way hug.   
Serena watches on as Bernie’s children reconnect for those few short minutes.   
Cameron lets go and embraces his old boss, his sort of step mum and Charlotte odes the same apologising for keeping them on the doorstep.  
Wine offered this time and both rejecting it opting for tea instead.   
Wanting to keep a clear head for what is to come, a lot of talking for one.  
They catch up and agree to meet with Jason, Greta and Guinevere for a meal before heading back to work and to what will now hopefully be their normal life. They head home, finally.

Sitting in the front room of the now ‘their home’, was strange, uncomfortable almost. It is the first time that Bernie had been back with the intention of staying and not just for 48 hours like last time. She has given everything up to be with Serena, the Serena who 3 weeks ago wrote a letter to break their relationship up.

“Why?” Bernie asks, breaking away from their hand holding, Serena tries to claw back her hand but Bernie sits on them, tears in her eyes.  
“I love you Bernie, but it was too hard. I was spilt in two, I wanted so so much to be with you, with you in Nairobi and our new life together as we planned, but I was still needed here. The time we planned to spend together we weren’t.” Serena tried to stay calm but her voice was wavering. “Either I am needed with the hospital or with Jason, or you are needed at the trauma centre, that was our lives then………I couldn’t ask you to choose, it would be like me being like Marcus and asking you to choose between your work and your family, you like being there too, your face is lighter, happier, you live for your work.” Serena’s eyes and cheeks filled with tears. 

Bernie shook her head and stopped Serena with whatever she was about to say next, her hand now on her knees and open for Serena to take, she does but lightly.  
“You have never been like Marcus, thats why I chose to come home, to you if you still want us.” Serena was about to say something but Bernie placed her finger over her lips. She continued, “I was never happy with Marcus, never in love with him so was easier when I was away, even when we had the children. But with you, I love you Serena, am in love with you. I came here because as you told me, I couldn’t see a life without you in it. Our family is here, our life is here and most most importantly you are here. Wherever you are I will be too, I followed you to France for that reason.” 

Serena released a big breath and smile. “I am so sorry Bernie.”  
Bernie sat a little straighter and looked at Serena, deeply in her eyes.   
“I am not, not sorry you wrote to me that is.” Serena looked at her scared, Bernie smiled. “It is that letter that prompted me to come home, to you, to our ward, into your arms. I plan to spend whatever time we can together, having your back and protecting you. You are my world Serena, my sun in my darkest days, the north star in my night sky, you ground me when I get scared and want to be near you and not run, not run away anymore. I don’t want to be lonely or run by what work dictates. I want to be what we, together dictates.”Bernie looks at her with tears in her own eyes now at her declaration of love, eyes flitter from Serena’s eyes to her lips, just like the first few times they kissed. 

Slowly they move together, lips touch, arms wraps round and they kiss, and that is the start of their week together.


	4. Amongst other things a frank discussion.

That night they slept, moving together as if they have never been apart, their usual nightly routine is just how they are in theatre together, effortless. The lust of earlier dissipated and tiredness took over, they were emotionally drained too. Bernie was going to take the spare bedroom but Serena told her there was no need, they would start as they mean to go on, together. Bernie smiled and nodded silently in agreement happy that she gets to spend the night in the arms of the woman she loves. They tiredly kiss, mumble goodnight as they fall asleep, happier than they have been for a long while.

The morning sun breaks between the clouds and streams into the bedroom. Bernie is already awake and has been for some time, relishing the feeling of the woman in her arms, wondering if after all this time they can finally do this, be happy and together? She was sure going to give it hers shot. She held on tightly to Serena as she slept, hoping that she hasn’t or doesn’t change her mind again and puts a stop to it. Serena talks in her sleep, Bernie hears her name being spoken, wonders if she is telling her off or telling her it wont work out. “I love you, don’t leave me now!” Serena cries her hands frantically moving under the cover, trying to catch something, her legs move as though she is running after someone, her maybe?.   
Bernie lies still, its not always a good thing to wake someone during a bad dream, she has learned that herself when she was in the army, sometimes it is best to stay close and let it play out, be there to silently comfort them. “Bernie if you leave me one more time I wont be here when you, if you ever come back.” Serena shouts, clenches her fists and slams them down, her eyes fly open when she realises that it wasn’t her work desk she hit, it was Bernie and she was dreaming. “Oh god Bernie I am so so sorry.” Bernie pulls her in tight and holds her again, she tries to wriggle free and when she does, all she see is love on Bernie’s face.  
“I promise you know I am never going anywhere again and if I do it will be with you beside me, maybe on holiday somewhere.” Serena sighs in relief. Bernie is here, she is here to stay and not going anywhere again. “I love you.” Serena says as she places a teary kiss to Bernie’s lips who accepts and lies Serena back down so she can deepen the kiss, physically confirm that she is there to stay, not going back to the army, to Nairobi, to Kiev even. She is staying with the woman of her dreams, no longer running as she has a very good reason to stay. 

The lust is back.

Hands grapple at each others clothing to throw it off in any direction it flies, bodies pressed together, erogenous zones gently fondled and roughly touched. They make love until the early afternoon when their noisy grumbling stomachs informs them of the lack of nourishment, that needs to be rectified if they were going to continue this throughout the day, in the up coming days.   
They eat, drink and fall back into bed, well not just the bed, they make use of a very empty house, including the bathroom!  
Knowing that their lives are together now, forever. 

It is bedtime, however this really didn’t matter to them as they practically stayed in bed the whole day as well as using other places in the house. Serena’s head is lying on Bernie’s stomach, Bernie’s fingers stoking her hair, they are thinking about what they are going to do when they are back at work in a few days time.   
It is something they have not talked about. Yes they have declared their love for each other but the practicalities of being together and working together are very different.

“I will be your boss, sort of.” Serena states wistfully. Bernie hums and her hands still, wondering what Serena will say next. “We wont be equals anymore.” Bernie hums and smiles again, this time she replies with a cheekiness to her voice. “I will be your servant, you will be my commanding……VERY commanding officer.” Serena chuckles and turns to face her, she has that eyebrow raised that makes Bernie’s stomach flip. “Very commanding you say? Hmmm? Will you be a compliant soldier or will you be needing discipline?” Bernie takes her time to think about it, placing her finger to her mouth, she is about to say something funny back but then changes her mind.   
“I don’t want you pulling rank on me Serena, I want us to be able to talk things through and leave things at work, leaves home things at home. We never were really good at that, but this is what we both want now. We need this to work.” Serena raises and lies next to her, thinking seriously what Bernie said. Her eyes drop to the space between them, she know she is right but she has never been able to control herself around Bernie. “I can’t promise Bernie, but I will try. I know you are right but you know how passionate” a small smirk appears “I can be about certain things. I can’t not touch or kiss you, but I will be appropriate most of the time.” Their eyes meet, an understanding almost, because if truth be known Bernie cant keep her hands to herself neither, this was seen in Nairobi, nearly all cupboards were used for their secret liaisons. “I can live with that, live with you, work with you and love you.” Bernie replies serious.

That was that agreement made, feelings admitted and secrets out. They were now going to make a real go of it. Maybe marriage one day, who knows. Lets just see how they work together again as non equals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the ending.  
> Thank you for reading, clicking the kudos button and commenting xx


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